Judging Physical Appearances

[Shadowhunter]

Have you ever been judged because of the way you look? Have you ever judged others because of this?


Too tall? short? fat? skinny? revealing? covered? Looking at the hair? dress style? posture? body art?


Body shaming is a big part of bullying that leads to a plethora of other issues. Some of the most admirable aspects of humanity to me are kindness, compassion, selflessness, and the ability to reach out to connect with and help others. None of those aspects are present when we judge others based on our perceptions of them, much less when people do it collectively eg through the media, organizations, subliminal messages, encouraged and enforced by communities etc.

Having spent a great deal of my life around very judgmental people that were, in fact, bullies, I sometimes find my thoughts echoing their words and I continue to make a conscious effort to consider the possibilities of everyone's story and try to avoid judging others.

What do you think?

What do you see when you look at people?


Would you see a child throwing a tantrum here? Or a child crying in pain? Would you assume this is a boy? Could this be a girl?

Would you see a victim of bullying who was physically assaulted/abused here? Or a kid who picked a fight with the wrong person?

Would you see a popular young girl who is easily widely loved and appreciated? Or someone viewed as an easy target for bullies?

Our perceptions of others are more important than we think...

Sometimes they are instilled by others, taught, trained, encouraged, enforced, or gradually adopted when seen as the popular opinion. Are your perceptions truly yours?

What have been your experiences with judgments based on appearance?

 

[grimreaper009]

Something I go by is to never judge a person because you dont know their story or what they have been through......but in trinidad there is alot of stereotyping still going on and that is a big step backwards

 

[nirtime]

Honestly speaking I'm judged all the time since I don't really dress in stylish clothing. People will judge you as being stupid or lots of other shallow minded perceptions and it's the moment I open my mouth and begin to speak then they sit back wide eyed. Nobody is stupid. Nobody is ugly. Nobody deserves to be judged unfairly as is the case today.

One of the things that gets me a lot is people will see friends a boy and a girl who get along well and they will start to throw talk and assume the two of them together. Its like boys and girls can't be friends in Trinidad without people assuming too much as teenagers.

The pictures shown in the original post do not spark judgmental thoughts in my mind at all. There's simply too many variables associated with physical state to ever assume something about someone. Case in point, someone can look very poor and wear old washed clothes and have facial hair but they may just be able to buy out the area in which people are judging them as they are very wealthy and powerful. You never know whose who and so caution and objectivity need to be practiced.

With that said, you must recognize certain aspects that are associated with criminal elements and keep in mind you're living in a crime ridden society filled with smart men and gangsters alike.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Something I go by is to never judge a person because you dont know their story or what they have been through......but in trinidad there is alot of stereotyping still going on and that is a big step backwards

I agree, from my experiences stereotypes are enforced by a lot of people, even many in positions of authority. I've met many people with surprising stories that has taught me the best judgement is none at all.

Honestly speaking I'm judged all the time since I don't really dress in stylish clothing. People will judge you as being stupid or lots of other shallow minded perceptions and it's the moment I open my mouth and begin to speak then they sit back wide eyed. Nobody is stupid. Nobody is ugly. Nobody deserves to be judged unfairly as is the case today.

One of the things that gets me a lot is people will see friends a boy and a girl who get along well and they will start to throw talk and assume the two of them together. Its like boys and girls can't be friends in Trinidad without people assuming too much as teenagers.

The pictures shown in the original post do not spark judgmental thoughts in my mind at all. There's simply too many variables associated with physical state to ever assume something about someone. Case in point, someone can look very poor and wear old washed clothes and have facial hair but they may just be able to buy out the area in which people are judging them as they are very wealthy and powerful. You never know whose who and so caution and objectivity need to be practiced.

With that said, you must recognize certain aspects that are associated with criminal elements and keep in mind you're living in a crime ridden society filled with smart men and gangsters alike.

I definitely understand this. I have been misjudged many times and so have many people I know. Due to the darker sides of humanity evidenced by increasing crime I have learned to keep my guard up though I see that as a form of protecting myself rather than judging others.

The thing about opposite gender friendships is that even same sex friendships are often questioned with great suspicion too, which I've encountered just as often lol I think in those cases the people stirring up the drama are just looking to cause problems. Sometimes people try to turn you against yourself and the things you're comfortable with to suit their own perceptions and judgments but IMO nobody knows you, what you're comfortable with, and what you like better than yourself.





*Also, the first three images portrayed victims of bullying. The second and third pictures were of real life victims. The third picture was of a victim that eventually committed suicide as a result of being bullied.

 

[Shadowhunter]

This is very sad:

On April 23 prominent game developer Rachel Byrk committed suicide following months of cyber-bullying telling her to jump from a bridge. Byrk, suffered constant abuse for being transgendered from the gaming communities she was a part of.


Before her death she made huge contributions to the Gamecube and Wii emulator community. Doing work for Dolphin to improve the system all around. (Culture, Dolphin Emulator, Emulator, Industry)


Update
Someone close to Rachel Bryk states ongoing health issues being the cause, though also not negating online harassment may have contributed to this decision.

[Source: ]Developer Rachel Byrk Commits Suicide After Months of Cyber Bullying | N4G

 

[nirtime]

Online harassment definitely played a vital role in it. Yes, health issues can cause people to react accordingly but I don't think that alone would enough given the harassment.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Yup, in this case I think regardless of what she was dealing with internally, bullying was a key force pushing her to that decision.

 

[Lorenzo]

I've been judged before. Everyone says that I'm an old man but I'm actually quite young. That's why I say to those people that I can't wait to collect pension[Gotta wait about 40 years though].. On the bright side, look at this kid. Happy and strong.

[video=youtube;36m1o-tM05g]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36m1o-tM05g[/video]

 

[LadyDeath]

Growing Up I was a victim of bully shaming : being tall, being dark-skinned compared to my other female cousins , having acne, having to wear glasses, my braces period , my body type etc. You name it ! I was always afraid to go out or wear clothes out of my baggy school uniform. It was hell and i was devastated .

However, looking back at a mature mind, i understand very well now about the evils of this world. I am IN A WAY glad that i experienced it because now ,i know the kind of people to stay away from and whom to trust. I eventually developed a strong mindset and personality and became very close with God. I accepted myself for who i am and nothing can make me change that.

But what we have to take into consideration is not everyone will be able to handle it like i did. There are youths who turn suicidal, depressed, anxious, develop mental problems and hate themselves because of bully shaming. Some hurt themselves trying to go on different diet programs or trying bleaching creams or plastic Surgery. We have become a self-conscious nation! It starts from the adults to teach their children not to bully and always have respect for others also, to stay close to their children , talk to them & to look out for any signs of abuse, suicidal behaviors etc. Life is not what it used to be ! Bullying should be a thing of the past and not be a definition of someone

 

[Shadowhunter]

I've come across a lot of people that have insulted and tried to shame me because I don't have what they consider to be an ideal body type, size, weight etc. I spent much of my younger days trying to hide my body in unflattering over-sized clothes and feeling ashamed of myself before I realized that the issues I had with my body were the ones people told me I should have as they tried to force their beliefs down my throat. The last time someone tried to shame me because of my body, I literally laughed at their insistence that something was wrong with the way I looked because I did not look like them. This of course infuriated them but made me more sure than ever that those thoughts are their own issues with their perceptions of others, and not my own about my perception of myself at all.

I think a lot of people that try to put down or hurt others are actually just projecting their own issues onto someone else.

I'm glad that there is more awareness of bullying now and that people are fighting for different types of bullying to be acknowledged. As time goes on, I think that there will be more support for these issues and more people willing to stand up to bullies and/or defend people being bullied.

 

[nirtime]

I see exactly where you both are coming from. I experienced some of these things and it got me very depressed growing up as a teenager. I too did turn into some of the mentioned but sometimes finding your calling, your passion and aligning yourself with others who share your desire and understanding can really help you to fix yourself without professional help. However, I did not have much help, I had online friends and not many real friends. But hey, friends are friends.

Looking back now I realise that when you are small as in preteen and teen, people of all ages will try to talk down to you and stigmatize you if you are different. I have an extremely true to source mentality and I take it seriously what I'm about. I don't really care what others have to say about me and how I look because I could care less. I will walk through a public place looking like a cave man with facial hair all grown, I will open my mouth and talk about what I believe in without regard of criticism because I know to myself those people who will criticise on a daily have nothing on me other than what they are seeing.

Its more of this type of perspective we need to encourage, people are following too many fashion trends but those are really someone else's ideologies that a group of monkies are just following. Looking 10/10 is something that lies in the eyes of the beholder. Sometimes groups of girls will laugh at a tall girl but then there are groups of guys who will think thats something very good. So it really depends on how you look at things and thats what most people miss.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Looking 10/10 is something that lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I understand your whole post but this ^^ man, that should be put on a gold plaque! This is very difficult for a lot of people to accept. I can't really pinpoint a specific age group that is harassed more than others as I've been bullied at every stage of my life. But the worst points for me were going through puberty - my teenage years and my pregnancy - postpartum time period. For some reason people could not help themselves to poke, pinch, insult, scrutinize, and humiliate me over my growing and changing body through both time periods. Ironically, the first time in my life I accepted the way I look 100% was since my pregnancy. While I was being insulted for not looking like the ideal image of what each person was looking for, I developed a deep admiration for my body growing a human life inside me. Even recently I was publicly bullied for not looking the way I "should" as a mom but it was like water dripping off a fig leaf, as someone I know would say, because absolutely nothing can shake my perceptions of myself now. The only reason it took 20 something years to get to that point was because I was around so many negatively critical people for so long that I thought it was normal for people to treat others that way, and eventually my own thoughts began to echo the hurtful words and actions of others. I did end up having issues because of it, such as body dysmorphic disorder, and other issues that it contributed to, such as depression and anxiety, but after cutting out those people from my life and surrounding myself with more like-minded, respectful, and positive people, I am surprised that I am not bothered by it at all now.

I now consider myself an advocate of body image and motherhood and have gotten myself in uncomfortable situations standing up for others who risk repeating my path, but when they learn to see themselves in the same positive light and get the courage to assert themselves accordingly, it is truly worth it. I think when we feel the urge to speak about someone's appearance, if it must be said, it should be positive, constructive, encouraging, and motivational. It just makes me cringe how natural it is for some to carelessly hurt and break down others. What does that accomplish? How does that help anyone? Why does that have to be a part of human nature for so many?