Victim Blaming/Shaming

[Shadowhunter]

Recent events have brought my attention more and more to this apparent epidemic of victim blaming and shaming. What is victim blaming/shaming? Ever heard statements like any of the following:

• "She look for that. How she didn't expect to get raped wearing a short skirt/fitted jeans?"
• "He asking to get rob wearing brand name ting and driving a nice car so."
• "You want somebody chop off your hand for that gold watch?"
• "That child does over cry. He does look for them blazing cuttail."
• "She complaining about some man grabbing she? What she expect if she wearing make-up/heels/comb up she hair/wearing a dress?"
• "He say the teacher try to kiss him. He crazy! He just feel he over too nice! Stay away from he before he accuse you too!"

These statements are all reflective of crimes. Things that are not only illicit in my opinion, but illegal in the court's opinion. These statements make the crime the victim's fault. It takes the perpetrator out of the equation or refers to the criminal as a constant or a given, just as permanent and expected as gravity. The victim becomes the cause and effect and is given full responsibility.

I do not agree with this. Of course, there are sick people out there that manipulate and falsely accuse others for whatever reasons they believe to be worth it, but not everyone falls into such categories. As a matter of fact, statistics have repeatedly proven over the years [and continue to prove] that such an overwhelming majority of charges filed by victims of crimes are true, it makes more sense to act on the accusations than to ignore them. Also take into consideration that a great deal of crimes are not reported, so just imagine if all the under-reported criminal activities were added to those statistics.


Blaming and shaming victims for bravely coming out with their experiences, often to seek justice or help others to know they are not alone, is not the way forward IMO. The blame and shame should lie with the only truly guilty party: the criminal. By shaming victims, we are contributing to the oppression criminals try to establish to make their life of crime much more effective. What does this oppression cause?

• Fear is re-emphasized to keep victims from seeking justice or helping others.
• The silence from victims helps conceal the criminal's identity and the crime that has taken place so that the action can freely occur again (and again and again).
• Victims can be re-traumatized by being called crazy, liars, delusional, hyper-sensitive, or by being blamed for provoking/causing the incident and/or classed as a perpetrator themselves.
• Re-traumatization forces many victims into silence and sets a precedence for others to remain silent and change their lives to live in fear as well.
• Re-traumatization may lead to surges in panic, anxiety, PTSD, and other issues that affect victims through nightmares, sleeplessness, eating disorders, physical pain, emotional instability, resurgence of phobias, etc.
• Victim blamers in society become unknowing helpers for these criminals, basically putting out free advertising for the power and threats of the criminals, condoning the crimes themselves, and hurting the victims by shaming/blaming them. The only way the criminal is affected by this is positively, and business keeps booming for them while they are off the proverbial hook as their next victims brace themselves for society's reprimand.

What Can We Do?

• Believe someone the first time they say something. Sometimes it is the only time they come forward. Sometimes it takes everything out of them to come forward and can often be re-traumatizing every time they do.
• Put your judgement and lectures on hold for the real bad guy: the criminal. Don't offer "you should have known" or "if you had done this instead of that it wouldn't have happened" statements. Criminals often strike for power. When they pinpoint a victim, their mind is made up. The victim does not get a memo to turn around and do something to avoid the crime right there and then. The criminal decided to take certain actions, and the criminal acted. The victim was acted upon.
• It is never the victim's fault. Repeat after me: It is never the victim's fault. Whose fault is it? The criminals. That's why he/she deserves to be arrested. Not the victim.
• Unless you are objectively taking an official report for legal purposes to assist the victim's case in getting justice, the victim does not owe you an explanation or to be subjected to an interrogation. Leave the choice to share up to him/her. Do not further violate them by forcing them to relive their trauma. If they decide to share their experience with you, please remember that it is their story to tell and they have a right to make the decision with regards to who else gets that information. Not you. Unless it is legally ordered, give the victim the right to choose who to share their experience with.
• Offer support. Great questions to ask are "What do you need right now?" and "How can I help you right now?" If the victim does not want to engage with you but you believe you can help, respectfully and briefly let them know you will be there if and when they decide to knock on your door. Then give them space. Do not assume that you know what he/she is thinking or wants. You can educate yourself on supportive behaviors and how to get counseling assistance, and have coping resources handy including contact information for crisis hotlines in the event of any alarming behavior such as suicidal tendencies.

What do you think about this? Should victim blaming and shaming continue or should we focus the reprimands on the criminals instead?






*Note: The views and opinions in this post are that of Shadowhunter, as a separate person, and not necessarily representative of the Trinimotors site, members, or staff by any means. All are welcome to share their personal views regardless of their stance.

 

[nirtime]

Honestly speaking sometimes people do act in suggestive ways knowing fully well what it attracts so while sometimes people may not look for what they get, in other scenarios where they have control to prevent it, they don't and so really its not possible to say they didn't look for it.

I believe gender is a heavily debated topic in the context of victim blaming/sharing and in that relative context it is easy to understand what you are saying. Nobody really knows what's going to happen. Sometimes you do all you can and you're still a victim of crime but due to people's inability to recognize your situation you're sort of left to feel like you had something to do with it when you really couldn't have done anything differently.

 

[Shadowhunter]

Honestly speaking sometimes people do act in suggestive ways knowing fully well what it attracts so while sometimes people may not look for what they get, in other scenarios where they have control to prevent it, they don't and so really its not possible to say they didn't look for it.

I believe gender is a heavily debated topic in the context of victim blaming/sharing and in that relative context it is easy to understand what you are saying. Nobody really knows what's going to happen. Sometimes you do all you can and you're still a victim of crime but due to people's inability to recognize your situation you're sort of left to feel like you had something to do with it when you really couldn't have done anything differently.

I think there are people who try to cause these things but those people need help to escape that mentality and its resulting behaviors. In most normal cases, this isn't so. I think instead of instilling fear in our citizens and forcing them to walk around in an uncomfortable, mistrusting, fearful state, we should focus instead on empowering ourselves and condemning criminals. Preventative action that makes more sense to me includes educating ourselves on our rights and how to achieve justice as well as popularizing self-defense techniques.

It's easy to think that someone driving a new car was drawing attention to themselves and the result was a robbery or carjacking but older cars get carjacked and poorer people get robbed too.

It's easy to think that an attractive person in short or form fitting clothing is drawing attention to themselves and the result is sexual assault, but people who are fully clothed, unattractive, sickly/elderly etc are assaulted too.

The list can go on but the bottom line is that acts of violence and aggression are done to achieve power and control over a person and situation. When you are being attacked, you cannot change a person's mentality. That person needs help in a correctional facility, not to be told by society that there actions are right or should be excused because the victim should have done so by so to avoid their violence and aggression.

 

[nirtime]

Honestly speaking, I get angry when people make comments to that effect. "Oh he want to drive new car, he look to get rob." Those types of comments make me feel to walk away from people and never talk to them again.

As I said earlier, its easy for these people to say things that lead to violence and aggressive behaviour but its only when they are victims of it themselves then they have nothing to say.

Acts of violence and aggression in that case are to maintain control or to establish control/assert one's power. Be it for personal gain or whatever, its still not right and sometimes even after help from correctional facilities these people continue to be just the same.

There is no need to excuse them for their actions, you cannot blame someone for buying a new car if thats what their standard of life affords them and thats what I don't get with a lot of people. They always look to say the worst of things and its heightened when problems arise. I've learned the best way around this scenario is to keep business private and personal and only tell those who will not have anything negative to say.

 

[Shadowhunter]

I agree. I think this should be made common knowledge so that the reflexive response to a victim of crime is an empathetic, supportive one and not one that blames or guilt trips them for actions they cannot control. To this day, even people in authority are guilty of the latter as the focus evades the criminal and highlights the victim that is made to take responsibility for the crime done to them, and not the criminal that is guilty of committing the crime.

 

[nirtime]

Those in authority often do that. Sometimes in car accidents where they need to be a little bit understanding at the very least so that they don't further add to emotional stress, they pretty much try to make you think you're wrong when you may not necessarily be wrong.

I mean if I see a Serena Taxi going down the shoulder while there is traffic and a police stops him and starts to quarrel with him well I will say he looked for it because he knew there was police and he willingly broke the law. Would you consider this victim blaming/sharing?

 

[Shadowhunter]

Those in authority often do that. Sometimes in car accidents where they need to be a little bit understanding at the very least so that they don't further add to emotional stress, they pretty much try to make you think you're wrong when you may not necessarily be wrong.

I mean if I see a Serena Taxi going down the shoulder while there is traffic and a police stops him and starts to quarrel with him well I will say he looked for it because he knew there was police and he willingly broke the law. Would you consider this victim blaming/sharing?

In that scenario I would say the driver is the wrong-doer and was reprimanded for his actions. If someone had driven him off the road and he was still the one reprimanded, then I would say that is victim shaming. Intentionally breaking the law is a criminal action. I guess he could be a victim of his own crime? lol

 

[nirtime]

A victim of his own stupidity and lack of self control is more like it lol.